Last month, Chris and I received the wonderful news that we were going to have a second baby. We couldn't have been more thrilled! We told very few people outside of our immediate family as we wanted to wait until we were nearing the end of the first trimester to share the news. Unfortunately, our time with this baby was cut short after just a few weeks of finding out we were pregnant. I miscarried on June 29. Here is our story...
Friday, June 12
I went to the dentist today. The hygienist told me that my teeth looked great, but my gums were awfully red and swollen. "Could you be pregnant?" she asked, completely out the blue? I chuckled and told her no. She continued to tell me that 99% of changes in the body show themselves first in the mouth. A few minutes later, "You look awfully tired, Meghan. Hmm." At the end of my appointment, she declared, "It is the professional opinion of your dental hygienist that you are, indeed pregnant."
No way. Was I? Who on Earth goes to the dentist to find out they are pregnant?
I called Chris to tell him the hilariousness of what had just gone down in the dental chair. He had a good laugh too and then totally called me out as I was already on my way home to take a test.
I did my deed on the stick and set it on the floor having talked myself out of the possibility of a positive. I didn't want to look. I couldn't. I wanted this so badly! I peeked.
Holy crap! Positive!
We're going to have a baby!
Monday, June 15
We spent the weekend telling our family the news. It's funny how when you actually have something important to share with your loved ones how they are suddenly IMPOSSIBLE to get a hold of! After two days of playing phone tag with the fam, the news was out and cheers were abundant. Baby 2 will be loved for sure. :)
Tuesday, June 16
I made the mistake of walking into Starbucks this morning. I've been feeling nauseated for almost a week now with various other physical symptoms of which I will spare you the details. But this morning, this morning my favorite of the pregnancy symptoms arrived: SUPER NOSE. With Super Nose, one can smell as far as the wild blue yonder, every type of perfume in a bookstore, every unwashed item of clothing in the laundry basket. It's like there is a completely separate world out there that only a small selection of the population get to enjoy...or a large part of the population get to avoid.
As I opened the door to grab a skinny, sugar-free vanilla chai, I also grabbed the scent of every pastry that was displayed by the counter, the house drip (Cafe Verona), the grande, no whip green tea chai with a shot of honey, and, oh yeah, the cologne of the guy working at the drive-through window. Ugh! I almost tossed my cookies right then and there! But, I didn't. I took a deep breath, ordered quickly and left even faster.
My chai was totally worth it! :)
Saturday, June 20
Today we went bunk bed shopping. The plan was to find a bunk bed that was tall enough to put our crib underneath. It turned out to be quite the hunt! We spent about 4 hours in different stores hemming and hawing about just the right bed. And then...we found it! A beautiful white bunk bed with the same waynes coating as the crib. The best part: the bed was and mattress were on clearance! Next, we hit Target to let Sofia help pick out some new bedding. She picked out Tinkerbell sheets and a cute lime green spread for the top. The kid's got great taste already!
Chris is putting the bed together as I write and there has been very little swearing involved. Not to shabby.
I, on the other hand, have been a hormonal maniac. One minute, I'm laughing hysterically, the next I could pass as the Devil himself. It's not cool. The worst part is that I don't have any control over it. I know this roller coaster of emotions will pass, but it's hard to be patient...and I know Chris's patience is running thin too. God bless him. It's going to be a long pregnancy if this keeps up.
Sunday, June 21 (12:38 a.m.)
Oh yeah. I forgot about the insomnia.
Sunday, June 21 (normal daylight hours)
Today is Father's Day. I am feeling particularly lucky this year that Chris is my husband and father of our daughter and future kiddo. This year, he got three cards: one from me, one from Sofia, and a third from Sofia and Baby 2. He was totally taken aback and loved the special third card.
Monday, June 22
I had my first hormonal meltdown today. In Target. Here's the story: It got really hot today and my already naturally chubby feet decided to respond to the heat by swelling up even more. "No biggy," I thought, "I'll just go and grab a cheap pair of flip flops at Target so as my feet continue to expand over the summer, I"ll be all set!" I entered the store, and found a wall filled with nearly 25 different varieties of flip flops. Perfect! NOT! What I would come to find out is that NOT ONE of the TWENTY FIVE different shoes fit!! I started to feel a little panicky about half way through the trying-on process and when I hit #25, I cried. I tried calling the few people that know I am pregnant and couldn't get a hold of anyone. I was finally able to get a hold of my mom who talked some sense back into me (thanks Mom!) and I left Target with swimmies for Sofia instead.
Thursday, June 24
Ugh! I DO NOT feel well today. I woke up in the middle of the night to the room spinning and feeling like I was going to throw up in all directions. I went into the bathroom and...nothing. It looks like pregnancy #2 nauseousness is going to be a repeat of pregnancy #1: lots of activity with no productivity. This morning, I'm not feeling much better but am hopeful that as the day goes on, I will. I am taking Sofia to the mall today to play on the giant food inside because it is too hot outside to do anything and then we are meeting one of my oldest friends from childhood for lunch (she happens to live in Denver too!). Any suggestions for curbing "all day sickness" is welcome!
Sunday, June 28
The hardest part, I think about not really being able to share that you are pregnant with the whole world right away is when you hit bumps in the road. Yesterday, I started spotting...which I experienced quite a bit of during my pregnancy with Sofia. But this time it just felt different. It quit after a while and I went to bed feeling OK. Around 11 a.m. today, I started spotting again, but this time it is getting heavier by the minute. I called the doctor's office and they have instructed me to go to the ER. It's hard to stay positive during something like this. This could be a multitude of things...both good and bad. I just hope this baby is okay.
After nearly 5 hours in the ER, we're finally home. Our friends, Matt and Linda came to take care of Sofia while we were at the hospital, which was a huge blessing. Our results of our time at St. Joseph's were not so much, however. I have been diagnosed with a "threatening miscarriage" OR a very early pregnancy. WHAT? How does a diagnosis go from one extreme to the other? During a very high-tech ultrasound, it was determined that I have a yolk sac only 5 weeks (not the 8 weeks I had been originally told) with no heart rhythms. This is completely normal for a 5-week-old fetus. However, if going off of the 8 week conception that was originally given to me, a 5-week-old fetus is not good. My blood was drawn and beta levels taken...of course, they were right on the borderline. I have to go back in 3 days for more blood tests to see if my pregnancy enzymes rise. If they do then it's a confirmation of a very early pregnancy with some bleeding. If they don't, well, it means a miscarriage is on the way.
I really don't know how to feel right now. I am scared, sad, hopeful, mad and confused. I'm really tired and I really don't feel well. I just wish I could sleep for 3 days until this is all over and I can get some definitive results. Please pray.
Tuesday, June 30
We went to the doctor yesterday and didn't find out much more. After another exam and ultra sound my nurse practitioner couldn't find the yolk sac...She said to stay hopeful but also is not ruling out a miscarriage especially due to the amount of bleeding and the absence of the yolk sac. I'm sad and having a really difficult time staying positive about this. I go back today at 3 to check my beta levels and will find out the results in the morning.
Wednesday, July 1
At 8:18 a.m. my nurse practitioner called. Not good news. Honey, it appears your levels have dropped pretty dramatically. I'm so, so sorry. Most likely I had miscarried on Monday morning before I came in to see her. She asked me a few questions then gave me some home care instructions and that was that. Done.
I'm so sad. I know we will get past this and I know we can try again...but this seriously just sucks. I know that everything happens for a reason, but that is the last thing I want to hear right now. Also, it's one thing to deal with a loss like this on an emotional level, but on a physical level is a brutal, double-whammy. My body feels like it was hit by a train and then used as a punching bag for boxing practice. My hope is that as my body heals, so will my heart.
Thankfully, we have some wonderful friends here. Matt, Linda and Lilly came over tonight to bring us dinner, smiles and laughs. When they showed up, they brought along with them Verner's (the BEST ginger soda in the WORLD), vanilla ice cream, corn dogs for the girls and two bottles of wine. We promptly ordered some Chinese food from my favorite restaurant and just hung out. It was so nice. So nice.
I know that our little family of three will grow someday. For now, we are going to enjoy our time together this summer and cherish each moment that we have with one another. God has a plan for us, a plan to help us prosper and bring joy and hope for our future...