Tonight I was struggling with the guilt that often comes along with being a working mom. It's a rough space to be.
You see, when we chose to move back to Michigan, a big piece of our decision was based around the parenting flexibility working completely for myself would offer. What we didn't realize, however, was that working for myself would open doors that we couldn't have even begun to imagine. And so, here I was tonight...wrestling internally with the plight of so many working moms: loving your job, loving your kids, finding the balance between putting 110% into both.
So what prompted this episode of guilt this evening?
Today was one of the best career days of my adult life. I couldn't WAIT to share all the details with my family! Yet today, I also missed bedtime with the kids for the second time this week. Instead of sharing adventures of the day, there were tears, when are you coming home's and I miss you's.
My heart broke.
There is nothing more that I want in this world than for our children to feel loved and supported. Nothing. But do you know what else I want for Nico and Sofia? I want them to see a woman who is following her passions, making sacrifices, and committing to good and impactful work. I want them to see that independence also requires teamwork with those you love. I want them to see that while there is huge facet of my pursuits that are personally fulfilling, even more are designed to fulfill the dreams of our family.
This is a tall order but I am wholly committed to it!
I walked in the quiet house tonight to a husband sitting on the couch with a glass of wine already poured. He filled me in on his day which began with his bi-weekly men's bible study. He shared how they learned about Saul and his stories of being willing to sometimes just pick up and move on, trusting that God has a reason for challenges and moving forward without guilt. When I asked Chris how they connected these readings back to their own lives, he simply said, "We talked about you and then we prayed for you...for peace, for releasing yourself of mom guilt, and strength."
My, my. It was just what I needed to hear. You know, kids are exceptionally resillient. Nico and Sofia will wake up tomorrow and be cheerful, ready to have our special morning time together before school. They will also feel my love for them and see my excitement for heading off to work.
They'll be just fine. God truly does work in mysterious ways.
And for this, I am thankful.